After years of sitting with people in the therapy office, I’ve noticed certain truths come up again
and again. They’re simple phrases, but they carry big weight. I find myself saying them multiple
times a day—because they’re the reminders we all need when we’re trying to heal, connect, and
grow.

Here are my 10 Truths:

1. “You are either present in your relationship, or you are managing your relationship.”
   When we’re present, we’re connected to ourselves and to the other person. When we’re
   managing, we’re protecting, controlling, or monitoring. It’s not bad—it’s often survival—but it
   keeps us from true intimacy.
2. “We do things for good reasons. What might be the good reason you are doing this?”
   Instead of judging ourselves, we can ask with compassion: what need or fear is driving this
   behavior? There’s always a logic to it, even if it’s outdated.
3. “It’s not the emotion that’s the problem; it’s the way we express it that can get us into
   trouble.”
   Emotions are messengers. Anger says, “Something feels unfair” or “My boundary isn’t being
   respected.” The work is learning to hear the message and explore what we are needing right now.
   Bonus points to sharing the need in a way that is honest and kind.
4. “Anxiety isn’t all bad. What is it trying to tell you?”
   Anxiety serves a purpose. It motivates us to prepare, sharpens our focus, protects us from danger,
   and even nudges us to reach out for support.
   But every system has a tipping point—where anxiety shifts from being helpful to becoming
   overwhelming. Sometimes it’s signaling real danger. Other times it’s just an old alarm system
   going off too easily.
   Either way, anxiety is information. The key is learning how to listen, sort through the message,
   and respond in ways that truly support you.
5. “It sounds like this might be a young part. I wonder what it wants us to know?”
   Often, our strong reactions come from younger parts of ourselves—parts that once had to protect
   us or make sense of the world. When we can name them with curiosity, we begin to offer the care
   they still need.
   The shift from criticism to compassion is powerful. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”
   we can ask, “What does this part need?” That’s how healing begins.
6. “What we don’t talk about, we act out.”
   Unspoken feelings don’t just disappear—they show up in our behavior. Sometimes through
   conflict, withdrawal, avoidance, or overreacting.
   When we bring those feelings into the light with words, we create understanding. If we can’t
   name our needs, we can’t communicate them—and instead, we end up acting them out.
7. “Sometimes we mistake what is familiar as safe, and what is unfamiliar as
   dangerous—even if it’s not.”
   Our nervous systems confuse comfort with safety. That’s why we repeat old patterns that don’t
   serve us, and why healthy love can feel ‘uncomfortable.’
8. “What do you have control over? And what do you not have control over in this
   situation?”
   Clarity here can bring relief. Energy shifts when we stop trying to control the uncontrollable.
9. “What’s happening in your inner world as you share this with me?”
   This question slows things down, turning attention inward. Often, people discover feelings they
   didn’t realize were there.
10. “When people are in bad moods, it’s not your fault.”
    We easily absorb other people’s emotions and make them about us. This could be a sign there is a
    boundary issue to explore. This reminder gives permission to release what isn’t ours.

These phrases are reminders: emotions carry meaning, patterns can change, and self-compassion
is always more powerful than self-criticism. Each time I share one of these truths with a client,
I’m reminded that I need them too. Maybe one of them is exactly what you need to hear today.